When marriage becomes a one-way street

Love is all we seek and we seek it sometimes in marriages. Whether the marriage is technically a ‘love’ one or an ‘arranged’ one, these are only broad categorisations. A person choosing his own partner, and thereby initiating what is called a Love Marriage may just be making a practical choice and a girl-seeing ceremony in an Arranged Marriage may see one of the parties fall headlong and irrevocably for the other. Ideally, of course, those who are highly rational about intimacy should come together in matrimony and those who are emotionally high-maintenance must make a nest together. But, life being what it is, matches are not made in heaven.

So instead of soul mates, we have mismatched couples, baffled and furious with each other, their expectations lying around their ankles like pants that don’t fit. At par with issues like money, kids and in-laws, the word ‘love’ is the most important deciding factor in the sudden inequalities that spring up after the wedding reception guests leave. One party loves more, one party loves less; one party loves too much, one party loves not at all; one party loves and loves, the other party loves someone else; one party can do nothing but love, the other party cannot love…. The permutations are endless, the possibilities unlimited. ‘Do you love me at all?’ is the war cry of one half of all couples.

What happens when this basic but inexplicable quantification strikes a couple? Fights ensue, ugly, untidy rows over quantity and quality of emotions. Since marriage is a long meandering road, and no one can see the other end from where they stand, conversations and sulks centre around how much one gives and how much the other takes. The mathematics of give and take in any relationship is subjective, more so in wedded bliss.