Mentoring originated in Greek mythology. Mentor - a friend and advisor to Odysseus (the King of Ithaca) was entrusted with the upbringing of Odysseus’s son (Telemachus) while Odysseus was fighting the Trojan War. Mentor became Telemachus’ teacher, coach, counsellor, and protector, building a relationship based on affection and trust.
Ancient cultures used rituals as a process to build a sense of community and purpose. The society believed that there were two worlds: the sacred (in the realm of the spiritual) and the profane (all else, and which is material and mundane). Some of the symbols and rites that have passed down the generations from our ancestors are finely shaped and have within it, an intelligent meaning, and rites of passage, creating awe and wonder (adbhutam). Unfortunately, many have lost their meaning, and spirit in the postmodern world. In the Indian Gurukul context, the teachers, not-related to the families, mentored the students until they reached a ‘householder’, then leaving the Gurukul to fulfil their life’s journey, across the Purushartha (object(ive) of men).
Viewing from other perspectives
Some culture view Life and Death as a beginning and an end. Death, then, is an eternal resting place, hopefully in peace and bliss. Then there are other culture that view death as the opposite of birth, and of Life, including both. In fact, it is believed that death regenerates the spirit of life. Thus, loss and restoration are both essential for transformation, in which the new initiate becomes a ‘new’ person, both emotionally and spiritually.
Rites of passage allow for a direct descent of the spirit and soul of each youth, through which a woman emerges from the girl, and the man separates from the boy. The possibilities and potentials are revealed within the individual, even while the community confirms its life affirming values. The initiate learns the mythological traditions, as also the sacred history of the world and humanity. In Indic tradition, there are 16 samskaras, each of which is a purificatory ceremony or rite marking a significant event in one’s life. It works with both the being and the becoming of man.
However, when a culture is devoid of rituals, and elders are not able to make real changes out of symbolic sacrifices and make new meaning out of individual suffering, then groups form into ‘gangs’ and the quality of violence, blood spilling and actual death increases for all. In the absence of a spiritual life, one lives life in the profane, a ‘half-life ‘as it were, a modern tragedy of suffering, abuse, addiction, isolation, and loss of identity. A second birth to a spiritual life does not occur, leaving one as an outcast or victim.
Modern-day mentoring
Mentoring is ‘a process in which a more experienced person serves as a role model, provides guidance and support to a developing novice, and sponsors that novice in his/ her career progress’ - (Weaver & Chelladurai, 1999; p. 25).
These days we have a more contemporary nomenclature for ritual elders, also known as ‘Mentors’ and ‘Trusted Advisors’. As humans, we have had several (informal) mentors. First, the Initial Caregiver. As a child, post the initial period, there is a quick realisation that there is a ‘self’ even while there are others. The joyous stage of being “in the womb” is now over. The initial object of love/hate – the primary caregiver mother, is held with ambivalence.
Melanie Klein explains carefully in her ‘Object Relations Theory’, how infants use defence mechanisms to cope with anxieties from seeing objects (initially breasts) as ‘good or bad’. Klein argues for an ‘integrated ego’ – the depressive position that allows for reparation, a necessary effort in human development.
Then there are other relationships of mentors. The child eventually encounters other caregivers: the father, other elders and siblings, and the teacher. Back in the days and the joint family set-up, there was no paucity of mentors and caregivers, and a child had many opportunities to discover the contextual good and bad. There were so many under one roof and relationships with each had a very special quality, based on the relative pecking position of each member, based on an affiliative system that supported status and social hierarchy.
In India, the ‘maternal enthrallment’ (Kakar) has more salience than the Oedipus complex. The triangle in the former is the mother, son, and daughter-in-law, while in the latter is father, son, mother. Deep within, the boy child knows, ‘I love mother, but I am not going to be like her when I grow up’. It does not pay to be ‘momma’s boy’ or ‘sissy boy’ – he discovers very quickly, from his peer set, or early mentors at school.
What’s mentorship
In a VUCA world, where families are more nuclear to the point of being individual cells, there continues to be a relentless Search for a Mentor. Today with large migration of labour, the biological parent may be distant either physically or psychologically. The child is in desperate search for identification of self. Who would be her/his role model? The youngster is searching for that other ‘adult’ who is responsible, and who can act as her / his role model or mentor. In the absence of this, s/he must discover ‘ways of thinking, feeling and acting’ from her/his peer set. As it is said, in a kingdom of blind, the one-eyed is superior! However, mentorship is not possible from a peer set. Peers create tensions to conform to group behaviour – ‘be like us!’
The importance of having a mentor cannot be overemphasised. A mentor will not judge but will inspire you, stretch you, develop you, help expand your perspectives offering a safe space to learn. The life cycle of a mentoring relationship goes through several stages: initiation, development, maturity, disengagement, redefinition, and lastly achieving closure critical to intended purpose. A mentor helps channelise the energies of the individual into focused pursuits. A mentor adds purpose to the path. It adds discipline and perseverance to the entire journey. It builds character with values.
In a practical sense, each individual is a mentor to someone else - either formally or informally, or inadvertently too. In this endeavour, individuals subconsciously take up responsibility and guide / mentor others. To enable an effective mentoring, introspection helps in understanding one’s own potential and biases. As an experiment, reflect on the kind of mentors you have had during your childhood, adolescence and in your current situation. Can you reflect how your mentor has shaped the way you mentor others?
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The authors Dr Srinath Sridharan is a Coach and Corporate Advisor, and Steve Correa is an Executive Coach and OD Consultant
Read all previous Coach Soch columns here
(Edited by : CH Unnikrishnan)
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