Teach your teenager about college costs starting now

The time to spell out exactly how much education you can afford is long before the first application essay is written. This summer could be a great time to talk with younger teens about the reality of college costs, how much they can expect you to help and affordable alternatives that can keep your family from drowning in debt.

A good way to start "the talk" is to have your kids research prices for a variety of colleges — public and private, in state and out, large and small. Several sites show total-cost-of-attendance figures that include tuition, fees, room and board, books and other expenses.

That should be an eye-opener for your kids, and perhaps for you. Few people pay the sticker price, but the actual cost can vary dramatically based on your family's resources and the school's aid package.

Next, use each college's net price calculator to see how much your family might pay. These calculators vary in their complexity and accuracy but can give you a rough idea of the bill after possible financial aid is deducted. You may find, as Carlson did, that some private colleges could be less expensive for your family than some public ones.

When toting up your own available resources, be cautious about tapping retirement funds or borrowing too much. Your child has a working lifetime ahead to benefit from the education and pay back any loans. The time until you retire will be much shorter.

Most teenagers can't "work their way through college" or pay for an education entirely on their own. Working too many hours can result in lower grades and increase the odds of dropping out. But it's OK — smart, even — to expect them to contribute something through part-time or summer jobs, says CFP Leon LaBrecque of Troy, Michigan. All three of his kids worked summer jobs, and two worked multiple jobs during the school year.

"Busy people get more done," LaBrecque says.

Scholarships can be another way to help pay the bills.

Discussing options can keep your child from fixating on an education you can't afford. Alternatives might include choosing the school that gives the best financial aid, starting at a community college or living at home rather than in a dorm.

Also, be careful about making promises, since life happens. A divorce left CFP DeDe Jones of Lakewood, Colorado, with less money for college than she'd hoped. Each of her twins, now 26, received a fixed amount for college that would allow them to graduate without debt, but only if they chose in-state schools and lived at home.

Both did. Her daughter stretched her college fund to pay for six years of college after she switched majors from nursing to computer science. Her son got both a bachelor's degree and a master's in just four years and is now pursuing a Ph.D. on a fellowship.

"They really took it to heart," Jones says.