Almost Pyaar With DJ Mohabbat review: Painfully convoluted, shockingly empty

In spite of the songs trying hard to tell you that the equation between the two couples is somewhat love (I’ll come back to the music in a bit), what plays out on the screen is anything but. What Amrita and Yakub share, is, at best, familiarity, friendship, and the desire to watch a concert of their favorite musician. Aisha, meanwhile, keeps throwing herself at an uninterested Harmeet until he gives in, much to disastrous consequences.

The plot is as bizarre as all else. When you expect the two stories to converge, the film suddenly becomes a prison drama; there’s a rape, or maybe two, a murder, an intentional accident, lots of questions, and no answers. Oh, there’s also DJ Mohabbat (Vicky Kaushal in an extended cameo), a wannabe love guru type musician who is hackneyed and annoying as heck, spouts trite fables and yet, has a following so dedicated across the country and beyond that youngsters don’t mind upending their entire lives to attend his one performance. Kashyap completely skips crucial moments, like when DJ Mohabbat shows Harmeet Yakub’s video on social media informing him of his doppelganger. It could have been a pivotal plot point, but Kashyap sidesteps it entirely. Maybe he was on to something else. But what?

Packaged as an Amit Trivedi musical, with whom Kashyap last collaborated on Manmarziyaan (2018), creating one of the most memorable albums in recent memory, Almost Pyaar has eight songs. They all feel the same with lyrics so desperate to sound Gen Z, it’s appalling. More so when you realise that they are by Shellee (Shailender Singh Sodhi), the same man who also wrote the songs for Manmarziyaan and Dev.D. Sample these lyrics from a song called Netflix and Chill: “Pichli baatein fizool hai, duniya ka ab ye rule hai, smartphone pe de do bill ya dil. Hey yo, I’m kamaal hai, my haal uff dhamaal hai, PubG wala hai mann me thrill.” I don’t think you want to know more.

By the time the two stories do collide in the climax, you’ve long given up. The last shot might remind you of Masaan — that terrific 2015 Neeraj Ghaywan directorial also on class and caste disparity and forbidden love starring Kaushal, Richa Chadha, and Shweta Tripathi. If only the rest of Almost Pyaar was anything like it too. Even at 121 minutes, it feels like a slog. Mr Kashyap, pray come back, we’ve been waiting.