Ex appeal: The infinite charm of past flames

The appeal of look-backs is the constant attempt to rewrite the past, to replace our old bumbling selves with present new mature persona. We touchingly believe we can convert endings this time around. Often we fail but that doesn’t stop us from eating crow twice.

Nowhere is everything as perfect as it is in flashbacks. Ah, we sigh idiotically, if only... The romantic prospect that got away is now the love of our life. All our regrets and remorse come to roost in this one person. And so it begins, another journey to the realization that life is just one big round loop.

Not only does the dreamer think he wronged himself/herself by having walked away from The One, but two-others also run the risk of being affected by that stray dream: the current sweetheart or spouse, and the revered ideal. The latter faces the dilemma of either going with the flow and basking in this unasked for adulation that blindsides them out of the blue or cower in fear over being stalked. The former, that is the unsuspecting partner of the person glorifying his/her past connections, has the mammoth task of either taking it too seriously or to laugh it off. Either way, something they did not ask for or see coming.

Writer George Orwell’s first wife, Eileen, apparently actively encouraged him to have sex with his ex, Brenda Salkeld. He wrote to Brenda in a letter after four years of marriage: 'She (Eileen) wished I could sleep with you about twice a year, just to keep me happy.'

It would seem there is no getting over exes. As Elle King exults in her song Ex’s and Oh's, 'One, two, three, they gonna run back to me / 'Cause I'm the best baby that they never gotta keep...' This is one relationship that is sure to stand the test of time – this eternal longing for the one you happily left behind ages ago.