Are you listening?

The act and art of listening are dying. Quietly. With none mourning its passing. We think this our birthright, the right to be heard. We state we shout, we rage. It is a one-way verbosity, articulate, expressive and paid attention to by ourselves.

We are also capable of talk-shaming or silence-shaming others. You talk too much, we say, or ‘why are you so silent?’ Either way, we are deaf. Having asked our questions, having voiced our doubts and revealing our ‘intelligence’, we smirk our way out, sure that audiences are applauding our wit, our repartee, the proof of our wide reading.

In truth, no one’s listening. If you are not tuned into words of others, what makes you think others are tuned into your words? It is only sheer human arrogance that keeps us talking despite no actual proof of any response. It is an act of faith, that someone out there is not just listening, but understanding exactly what we are trying to say. It is only the fact that we are using more and more words to describe what it is that we think or feel that gives away our unconscious distrust in the actuality of anyone standing still long enough to listen.

In a recent talk between actors Arundhati Nag and Ratna Pathak Shah at the Bangalore International Centre to celebrate the completion of 15 years by Ranga Shankara, a theatre miracle created by Nag in the city, Pathak Shah lamented just this lack of listening between actors. She said as actors they watch out for the all-important cue, which means it is time for them to mouth their own dialogue. Very few actors, she said, actually listen to the other actors talking. She mentioned Irfan Khan as one of those actors who listens to other actors’ dialogues.

You notice it on TV debates and at lit fests; the anchor/moderator waits to jump in with a premeditated attack or point of view, or even a silly joke. There is no change of expression as they press enter on what THEY think, which is untouched by what they were just told.